A lot of Talk

Some people, don’t they just go on…and on…and on.

They promise this and say they’re going to do that. And they make big declarations.

Then silence and nothing. It’s all words and it means nothing.

But then when you ask them about that thing they were going to do, they come up with a reason they didn’t and it sounds perfectly feasible, logical, acceptable.

It’s not quite the right time…I started it but then (insert name here) needed me and I didn’t want to let them down (but you were quite happy to let me down?). Or everyone’s favourite, stop nagging me I’ll get on to it! You’re far too sensitive, needy, difficult…

And so we give them the benefit of the doubt, because we know they mean well. We allow them to pacify us with the reason and we think, they’re not a bad person. I know they care. They’re just so busy at the moment. It’s not like it was that important. Or one of the thousand other things you tell yourself when once again your needs are shelved. You are not a priority. You are someone who will wait.

And then it starts all over again and you fall for it all over again, because this time it will be different. This time they really mean it. You will never lose hope in that person and you accept them as they are, warts and all.

But you see you have set the tone. You have, unintentionally, shown you’ll take it.

(Insert name here) probably wouldn’t, they might make a fuss, demand some action. Not allow the words without the action. So that’s what they’ll get. And you’ll be side-lined, smiling and fawning. Hands twisting in your lap as you push down the feelings of rejection, of hurt and swallow the pain.

You then begin to put yourself in a holding pattern, so you’re ready. Ready to spring into motion when the words become actions. You put aside your needs, you say no to social events, you allow your thoughts to become blurred and meshed with the other person.

You slowly erase you and replace it with hope. But not joyous, warm, delightful hope.

Cold, empty hope. Hope that is full of longing without fulfilment. Hope that sits unfinished and untended, because it has been forgotten.

You fade and wither as you listen to the soft beguiling words. You keep letting them and they keep getting let.

You sit in stasis waiting for those words to become something, break the cycle of hope…less..ness, and every time you ignore the proof, the cold hard facts that they never are.

The only way to truly break the cycle is to stop listening to those wonderful enchanting words and start paying attention to those woeful, dismissive actions (or lack of). It is there in the nothingness that you will see the true intent and respect of that person.