Is no in your vocabulary?

‘I can do it, no worries!’

‘It’s fine, I’ve got this.’

‘No, of course it’s not too much.’

Sound familiar? Or do you have your own set of stock phrases that you trot out as you look longingly at the sofa you were just about to get comfy on. Or the book that was going to be your sanctuary for the next half hour.

The slightly limp sandwich that was going to keep you going until you cooked dinner later, just got a bit limper.

So you inwardly sigh and turn with a smile plastered on your face, happy to help because that’s what you do.

So, just out of curiosity, what does stop you from saying no or from saying, sure but I’m just going to… or not right now.

Because for me it was feelings of guilt, why should my needs come before others? It was not wanting to let others down, probably because I had felt so let down myself I didn’t want to be the same so I took it to the extreme.

It was, I genuinely not bother, I was happiest being busy and feeling needed and appearing/being productive.

I’m not sitting here doing nothing, no sir, not me!

When your job revolves around helping others, when your life revolves the needs of perhaps more vulnerable people, when you designation as mother means ‘font of all knowledge, with the power of infinite time, energy and patience’ (or something like that!) It can be so hard to feel that you are just as important as all the other needs in your life.

I would find my self feeling so frustrated sometimes, so frustrated that people could not see how much I needed help, or guidance, or rest or lunch. I was so frustrated but did I say anything?

No! Of course not, don’t want to make a fuss.

And there is the rub my friend. If you don’t speak up no one will know. All these people asking for things well they’re asking for things. Are you? I’m not judging here, I’m just as bad!

So I try now to say yes, to say no, to say maybe. If I feel that little angry sensation rising up I pay attention to it. I honour it and I act upon it. Not every time, not always in the right way but I’m trying.

It’s about noticing and becoming aware of my feelings, my needs and my inner self.

It’s about becoming OK with seeing myself with kindness, as I would others.

It’s about not letting that resentment grow, unheard, silent, like mold.

Do I still sigh inwardly sometimes, of course. But I’m trying and that’s good enough.