Me? On the radio? Never!

This past few months I have done so many things to challenge myself, put myself in new situations, out of that infamous comfort zone.

And on the whole it’s been fun, great, exhilarating.

That doesn't mean though I am a walking ball of confidence. In fact sometimes it can be quite the opposite!

That mean little voice whispers venomously, continuously.

‘Who do you think you are, talking about what you’ve done. No one's interested you know.’

Or

‘Stop banging on all the time, being so big headed, thinking you’re so grand.’

It’s hard to not let it wear me down, to not let it stop me.

How much easier would it be to make myself small again. Invisible. Safe.

Just a mum, feeling as though I am always in stasis, waiting for the next assignment. Waiting to see what I can do for others, maybe so I don’t have to think about myself.

It’s like when you go out shopping, it’s always easier to buy clothes for your kids, you feel it’s OK to spend the money on them. Spending it on yourself would be an extravagance, and let’s face it all your clothes still fit you, why do you need new ones?

How dare I do something for myself, about myself, fulfill my needs!

And I know that’s not really true, the people who love me don’t think like that. It’s me, I think like that.

Some days though it can be just exhausting and it’s too tiring to shush down the mean little voice. But, I have learnt that I do not have to listen to what the voice is saying, I do not have to believe it. They are just words, it does not make them true. To know that these feelings do not define me.

As I used to say to my children when they were young, ‘if someone calls you a hedgehog, does that make you a hedge hog?’ (I know it seems a little odd, but the meaning rings true.)

And I have learnt those days will pass, they really will. I just have to be patient and let them.

And then when they do, it’s onto the next adventure!

Exploring that inner narrative when working with my clients is so important. Their self-talk. Their inner narrative.

What are their beliefs about themselves, where do they come from, why do they hold onto them so tightly?

We all have our unconscious safety blanket, wrapped snugly around us, we think it’s offering us protection from all the hurt, we think we’re in control.

But actually it’s suffocating us.

So let’s look at it, let’s peel it away, gently, at the pace you feel comfortable with.

And let’s see how it feels to be free from it.