Reflections on this unique relationship.
Counselling is a truly unique relationship. I don’t believe there is anything quite like it.
After all you are paying for someone to listen to you. And I know for some people this seems odd, uncomfortable maybe even a little bit sad.
Having been a counsellor for a number of years now I can say with certainty that after one or perhaps a couple more sessions all that doubt fades away (if the counsellor is the right one for you). And if this isn’t the case and you still feel that way, guess what..? That’s OK. That can be explored and thought about rather than avoided.
You, the client, do not need to feel embarrassed by your feelings because all feelings are valid no matter.
How may times have I heard…’This is going to sound really stupid…or ridiculous…or pathetic’?
You have this wonderful chance to spend 50 minutes (known as a counsellors hour!) talking about yourself. Thinking about yourself. Reflecting, contemplating, examining, exploring…your self.
There is no guilt attached, you don’t have to worry about the other person not getting the chance to speak.
No feelings of taking up too much space because…’gosh have I been talking about me all this time? What about you, how are you doing?’
There is no need for that.
Often when we struggle with our feelings of worth, when our self-esteem is low, or nearly non-existent, we don’t believe in making a fuss, going on about our problems. Your friend has it so much worse than you…it will all blow over in the end…other people seem to cope alright…you’ve always been told to suck it up and get on with it!!
Counselling can take the power away from those thoughts, those voices of doubt. The same voices that have loudly been criticising and bossing you about for years now. And this can be the start. This can be where you get to practice challenging those less than helpful voices. A safe, contained and private space. One bound by confidentiality, with a person who does not know you, does not know the people in your life, has no vested interest in taking sides.
Where else can we experience such a non-judgmental environment?
If you had asked me when I was younger I’m going to be honest, I may not have been so positive about the whole counselling process. But you see I grew up with those messages, the ones of not making a fuss, the ones of being told I was over reacting or too emotional. And so I carried the shame of my feelings and I felt that I was too much.
Now I understand, I looked inwards and outwards and I learnt about myself, about others. I am still learning. But now I can say with a little more certainty. My feelings are valid, and I am as well.